Background story to one the funniest college applications you’ll ever read:
In my senior year of high school, I wondered what would happen if I applied to a college as a joke. My friends couldn’t wait to see what Nathan Chow humor I could sprinkle into something as serious as a college application. They insisted and begged for me to do it. I finally found a university with no application fee, which made me willing to spend time on this extra application.
When I was done, I submitted the application below to a place called Hamline University.
Name: Nathan Chow
Nickname: Nate Dawg Yo
Do you have any family members who are alumni of Hamline?: No, none were that lucky.
High School: Franklin High School, pubic school
Hobbies: soccer, juggling, movies, eating (ham is my favorite food!!!)
Activities you plan to pursue: yes
Proposed area of study: fashion design and criminal justice
Why do you want to attend Hamline?: I like ham.
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[Written in different colored pencils, the evaluation had a brownie smudge on it and was about how I earn good grades only because I give brownies to all my teachers. The “teacher” said that any professor would be lucky to have me. On the side of the recommendation, there was a sticker that you would get at a pediatrician: a cartoon bear holding a ribbon that said “I was brave today!”]
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Essay Prompt: Describe a significant event in your life.
Once upon a time, there was a significant event that shape my life. It changed my view of life like a worm changes into a butterfly. And just like the worm, I change for the good. It was a positive influence. I had always been thinking that people in America don’t like to mix like a salad in a salad bowl.
But then I saw a event that changed my view of the salad in a salad bowl. This was my significant event that shapes my life. A little girl I saw wore a pink outfit that was a dress with white polkadots making her look like a Dalmasion dog except white is pink and black is white. She walked along and hummed a song so happy. All of a suddenly, a squirrel jumped out of a tree and lands on her head.
Wow, I told myself. “She will be scared.”
But it was too late. The squirrel skratched her face like a feirce wolf skratching. In an analogy, the squirrel was to a wolf as his skratch was to this skratch. In pain, the little girl cried out very very loud. The girl was African American.
A white Crustacean man was nearby too like the tree. As soon as the squirrel skratched the girl, the man dropped his hotdog he was eating. He jumped to the girl sideways like a Matrix move. “Nooo!” he cried out just as very loud as the girl. He slapped the squirrel off the girls’ face and risking his hand to be bited or skratched. This was a true hero. The man could’ve been infected with rabies. The man could’ve been a contendor. The man could’ve been dead by dying. But he didn’t care. In alarm of the African girl he tried to save her immedately. He also didn’t care about his new hotdog. To save the girl, this man heroically dropped his weiner.
This is a story of how races can interact to save each other, a African girl and a Crustacean man.
With oration and languor, my ersatz was rashly changed. A persnickety of machination to accost me was such an epiphany. Please, hitherto unknown to me, elegy through zenith was apex unity—fruition sense resonant togetherness. Accept for the sacrilege, the rest of the lugubrious had known sententious existence. Me was no witness, but the raucous event perfidious had insight the powwow, helping precipice realize facsimile races fallacy mingle. America had gamut born, obloquy with occurrence this kibitzer, I lugubrious how zo-o-phyte can rise above differences and save lives. With diversity, a Crustacean man saved an African girl from a fighting squirrel. Wow. God bless America.
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Admitted with an $8000/year scholarship.
Hide yo’ kidz, hide yo’ wife. Seems like everyone is applying to colleges, grad schools, med schools, and so on right now. I hope the teens at my workplace, my freelance clients, and my friends all got a kick out of this!
Below are some disclaimers about my joke, as well as a few notes and lessons about college applications, college, happiness in life, and more.
As usual with my own writing, much of it is super personal and reflective. I hope that what is personal is universal:
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1) Because my guidance counselor had to handle some parts of my application, I was unable to hide my real straight-A’s transcript, higher-than-perfect GPA, class rank of 3 out of 327, a good mix of good to perfect AP scores, a high Writing score, and a perfect SAT II Math Level II score.
Those are the real things that got me into Hamline and all my “real” colleges. I wish I was valedictorian or had a perfect SAT Writing score too. But that’s the point: how much more perfect can someone be?
How can a GPA be “higher than perfect” anyway? Every year, it seems like the threshold for highest GPA gets higher and higher and students are more and more stressed.
When do you have to just tell yourself stop? When can you say, “I’m enough”? When can you just start laughing at it all? For me, I knew I did enough in four years in high school. I didn’t want to spend months writing a “better than perfect” essay. Even my “real” essays for my “real” colleges were written quickly.
If you have a history of academic excellence, stop stressing over every little detail in your applications. That advice might not get you into some top schools, but screw it. #YOLO!!!
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2) The “top” schools may not be the best schools for you anyway.
I hate to say this about my own alma mater, but Boston University was originally one of my safety schools. I got into schools higher ranked on U.S. News, but the more I read about BU after being accepted, the more I fell in love with it. BU’s College of Communication was a great fit for my interest in film, media, and writing. (Ironically, it’s a top school for communication. The strength of your program matters more than the university’s general ranking.) I read a lot about Boston being an amazing college town too.
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3) Your social life and people skills are just as important as academics.
I never hung out in high school. I was unconfident and miserable. I decided to change that the moment I stepped onto the BU campus my freshman year. (See http://bit.ly/ncbuchange for the full story.)
I completely changed my life and made hundreds of friends. I became good at leading people, getting the best out of people’s strengths, networking, making plans, reading emotions, using empathy, diffusing tense situations with humor, understanding needs and wants, forging connections with strangers, making people feel special, and showing gratitude. In short, I understood people.
Those skills are far more valuable in jobs, well-being, and life than anything else. Life isn’t about crunching numbers, writing essays, and memorizing facts.
In my journey to a good social life, I suffered a few late papers, bad grades, and even two F’s my freshman year of college. I was sick of academic perfection in high school and how little happiness that gave me. I was so brainwashed and convinced that social life meant more than academic success that this was my emailed excuse to a professor for having a late paper: “I finally found good friends in college, I’m happy, and I spent the weekend hanging out with them.” She gave me a little bit of leniency.
At the interviews for my last three jobs in education, I purposely mentioned my failures and how much I’ve learned about life balance and also how much I can fully understand a struggling or failing student. I got those jobs. I was happy at all of them. I’m happy at one of those right now.
After my freshman year, I finally learned to balance academics with social life. But who would’ve known that F’s in college would lead to employment?
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4) You get from college whatever you put into it.
By the time I graduated college, my entire life was transformed because of BU, people I was surrounded by, and Boston. I learned more about life than anything else at BU.
I hate to say this too, but no matter how much pride I have in Boston University, I’m sure my entire life would’ve been transformed wherever I went to college. As much as I credit BU and Boston for my current happiness, I think the positivity and eagerness that *I* brought to my first week in college and for four years did more for my life than anything else. No matter where you go–whether it’s an unknown community college or Ivy League school–you have the choice to be open-minded, motivated, and eager or close-minded, bored, and apathetic.
You don’t just *go* to college and wish for an education and life-changing experience. That responsibility is on yourself wherever you go.
If you know you’re a proactive person, be content that the outcomes of your college applications won’t determine your future. Your internal motivation and well-being are things that can’t be taken from you. Life will still be good.
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5) My intention with my Hamline “application” was to mock the college admissions process and see what I could get away with. After being accepted to Hamline with a scholarship, my friends said “You just shat on that school.”
I did not intend to belittle any specific university at any point in this joke. Hamline has a good reputation in the Midwest. It just happened to be the first place I found with no application fee. I hope–and I really think–my application was comic relief even to the admissions officers who read thousands of dull essays.
I may not have attended Hamline, but I thank it for teaching me this enduring lesson about life: Don’t take things too seriously. Laughter runs the world! When life gets tough, just remember ham.
I apologize if any rejected Hamline applicants and the Hamline community thought my application joke was inappropriate or unprofessional. Sorry. I will mail you a pound of delicious ham.
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#college #bostonuniversity #boston #happiness #lifetruthordare #howtospellcollege #humor
Ham photo: Free usage rights courtesy of Wikimedia.
The last paragraph of my Hamline essay was co-written by my then-8th-grade sister Jasmine Chow who I instructed to plug in any random dictionary words she didn’t know.
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If you liked this joke and article, please share and spread the laughter!! This blog runs on visits!
Best wishes in your college and grad school applications and all your future endeavors!!
Hey high school seniors, it’s April. Colleges just decided your fate for the rest of your life. If you didn’t get into your top choice and you think your life will suck, you’re absolutely right.
A recent study by the Department of Education showed that where you go to college is the most accurate predictor of success in the future. If you want to strut in your best business clothes every day for the rest of your life and shove past people on the city streets while talking on your cell phone to your significant other about how you’re 2 minutes late to your next boring meeting and that, no, you actually do not have time to see your injured son in the hospital today, tomorrow, or anytime soon—and everyone thinks this is success, right?—then it is absolutely essential that you get into your first-choice college.
The study shows that an overwhelming majority of such people (for convenience’s sake, a year after the study, they coined the word “tool”) went to the college they most desperately wanted to attend—and that if the college was ranked in the top 10 by the U.S. News magazine the year they enrolled, then their chance for success and wealth was exponentially greater.
But the study dives deeper and addresses more than just wealth, impressive titles, and “success.” Even if you’re one of the very very few people in the world who just want to be happy (c’mon now, who wants that?), the national overplay of college decisions this month will still color everything you do for decades to come. The conductors of the study analyzed the art of starving artists who do what they love to do and whose happiness levels were higher than the average person. They found that, whether in paintings, novels, or songs, the second most common underlying reference, motif, or theme was college admissions (of course, by far, phallic objects remain number one).
In the last part of this groundbreaking study, interviewers asked over a thousand people on their dying beds what their greatest regret was in life. More than two-thirds responded that they still wish they could rewind back to high school and do everything the white bread way, put a check mark next to everything they were told to do, and get into a better college they could brag about on their resumes for the rest of their lives. They said that they might’ve found a different—and probably better—calling in life if they attended a better college and that being stuck with an alma mater that was only ranked #11 has given them hot flashes and reminders of their inferiority throughout their lives, often leading to serious stress, destructive behavior, and even diarrhea.
The conclusion of the study? If you received a skinny envelope from a top-notch college, then you are screwed with a capital S.
Happy April Fools’ Day!! =)
I certainly hope that was quite obvious.
Whether you’re applying to colleges, applying to internships, or applying to jobs, no matter what stage of life you’re in, just remember: big names, rankings, titles, fame, grades, salaries, and promotions don’t matter much.
People, purpose, laughter, and love matter so much more. People for this interconnected world. Purpose for having a sense of direction and meaning in life. Laughter for enjoying every day to the fullest. And love for caring deeply about anyone and everyone. They’re what life is really made of.
You may or may not have tried your best in high school. That’s behind you. And you may or may not have been accepted into your top-choice college. Just lead your beautiful life wherever you end up going, whether top choice, second choice, or last choice. Enjoy what you were given. Make the most of any route. Look forward to a fresh start. May you always make all the difference you can with all your gifts to the world and in whatever situation you are in. That’s your choice—not anyone else’s.
– by Nathan Chow
Boston University Class of 2009
let’s stop asking our kids what they want to be when they grow up and start asking ourselves how they should grow up.
let’s stop asking high school graduates where they’re going to college and start asking where they’re going in life.
let’s stop asking college graduates if they’ve found a job and start asking if they’ve made their purpose.
let’s stop asking workers if they’re climbing up the ladder and start asking if they see that the ladder is endless.
let’s stop asking our grandchildren if they know how the world used to be and start asking them if they know how the world still needs to be.
let’s stop asking all the wrong questions and start asking all the right ones.
– by Nathan Chow
Boston University Class of 2009
I hate that question.
I’m very goal-driven with the things that I think need direction. And I have a strong sense of my personal and career-related values.
But I still hate that question.
So years ago when the teacher in charge of my high school yearbook asked it to me and everyone else in the Top 10, our conversation was quite interesting:
Nathan: I don’t know.
Yearbook Advisor: You have to know.
Nathan: No, I don’t. I don’t know.
Yearbook Advisor: Everyone else has something listed.
Nathan: And that means I have to follow the crowd?
Yearbook Advisor: Yes. The Top 10 should be setting an example for everyone else.
Nathan: Well, I’m sorry, but I really don’t know and I think this is as much of a good example as everyone else’s answer. If you’re that desperate, you can pick something for me and include it in the yearbook.
Well, months passed and the yearbook was finally published. I flipped to the career plans page for the Top 10, and apparently the advisor wrote “Engineer or pro wrestler” under my photo. (Yes, this is a true story.) I’m Asian and had a reputation of being good at math, but an engineer was possibly the only thing I knew I didn’t want to be.
I found this story funny, but I think there was an important takeaway for myself and for others:
Okay, back to that ugly question and all its flaws. What do you want to be when you grow up? If you’re aspiring to be something like a writer, musician, anthropologist, chef, teacher, mechanic, or social worker, you better own up to it and correct your interviewer. You already are that writer, musician, anthropologist, chef, teacher, mechanic, or social worker. It’s not something you want to be when you grow up. It’s something you live and breathe already.
If you want anyone to consider your seriousness for a career, you need to give a role to yourself. You could say you’re a “teacher” if teaching others is what you often informally do, even if you don’t stand in front of a chalkboard every day. I suppose you can’t really say you’re a doctor or politician to people yet, but you could still say you’re a healer or a liar…
Instead of asking yourself what you want to be, ask yourself who you are and what you value. Take an inventory of your strengths and personality traits. Then reflect on what kind of effect and difference you’d like to make in the world. While the answers to these questions are open to change throughout your life, they will stay a lot more consistent than “what you want to be.” In addition, they’ll invite you to explore a lot more opportunities that will help you act on your values.
Years after my high school graduation, I finally figured out part of my life. Some of my main values are educating people, inspiring people, and empowering people. When I leave this world, I want it to be a more loving, compassionate, understanding, forgiving, and connected place. I act on these values by mixing some careers together: teacher, counselor, consultant, writer, filmmaker, juggler, entertainer. These titles may change—and I may encounter new ones I like—but my values will always stay the same. My values are soaked into all of these fields. In all my art, I’m always teaching about love and compassion. Even as a juggler, I strive to dazzle my audience and make them laugh together. In a sense, I hope they are connected during my act and can forget about their differences or worries for the day.
I think it’s perfectly fine, and probably even normal, to not know what you want to be. You have plenty of choices in the future, and you wouldn’t want to trap yourself into just one. But you need to always think about what gift you can give to the world.
Life is about acting on values, not chasing titles.
– by Nathan Chow
Boston University Class of 2009
5. Read a lot and often.
– Books YOU’RE interested in should be a supplement to the books you’re told to read.
– Browse the bookstore and library at least twice a month. Make it a habit.
– Go to your university bookstore’s textbook section and read / skim / browse through the books required in classes you want to take but can’t fit into your schedule. “Take” the class on your own.
4. Be passionate about your classes.
– Take classes you’re actually interested in. (That usually starts with choosing a major you like—not one your parents chose for you or one that sounds impressive.)
– Take classes you’re curious about. Be adventurous and expose yourself to new fields.
– Visit your professors during their office hours. Be honest with them. You don’t need to bring in an organized conversation agenda for them to see your passion for the class and academic field. You can talk to them about things you don’t understand, about contrasting ideas, and about your confusion. Wanting to talk about something and explore it deeper demonstrates as much passion as knowing something already.
– Read the books your professors recommend but don’t require. Even better, read the books your professors wrote! Cite any of these in your papers. It’s not ass-kissing. It’s simply learning more from the person you’ve been listening to all semester.
3. Learn from people.
– Remember when you were choosing colleges and you told yourself you wanted to be in a place surrounded by other smart students? You’re here now. Take advantage of your environment. Talk to your friends about academics, the news, the world, philosophy, and life. You’d be surprised by the depth of such conversations and how much you can learn in just a 45-minute lunch.
– Listen to and think about real conversations you have with friends or overhear from strangers. Not all learning is academic. There is lots to be gained from everyday informal conversations (even gossip!) about relationships, friendships, and work. These are parts of life too!
– In addition to visiting your own professors, you can even email professors you never had and ask if you can talk to them during their office hours (if they have time when none of their actual students are there). This is particularly useful if you need a bit of guidance in a field you enjoy and study on your own but don’t have the time or prerequisites to take courses in.
– Listen to those special people who love you unconditionally and want the best for you: your parents!
2. Seek out other ways of learning
– Attend special lectures organized by your university, other universities, or your town. Use your university’s calendar webpage to browse such events. (BU’s: http://bu.edu/calendar)
– Visit museums. Go on guided city tours. Watch films.
– Every day, jot down the things you encountered that you were curious about. Then JFGI. (Just f’in Google it!)
1. Learn from experience and life.
– As much as you’ll learn from books and people, at the end of your life, would you rather have read about and heard about life or experienced it? Dare to make your own mistakes. Dare to experiment. Skip your business class and go out there and teach yourself what works and what doesn’t work in serving people. Close your psychology book and go out there and find out for yourself how humans behave. Forget perfecting your Writing101 assignment and practice your own craft by writing in a journal, writing letters to friends, and starting your own blog. You’ll learn from it all. What is failure anyway?
– Remember that whether it’s academics or life in general, you are the only person who can decide which “classrooms” you want to enter, you are the only person who can decide what experiences will count as lessons, and you are the only person who can decide how well you do. You are your own best teacher and you alone are fully in charge of your own learning.
– Remember that you can learn anything you want. It won’t show up on your transcript or resume, but it will show up in your life. You won’t be graded on it, but you will gain from it. That’s what real education is about and that’s what real life is about.
Be a student of life and for life.
– by Nathan Chow
Boston University Class of 2009